Our world was turned upside down and our country was sent into a tailspin in March from COVID-19. Our lives have all been impacted. Our minds are in overdrive.
I’ve read in article after article through the pandemic that military families are best prepared for these types of times because we are resilient. There is truth in that statement. Military families are very resilient. Military families are also comprised of humans not superheroes.
Yes, we can totally appear to be heroic in our own right.
- Military men and women saving others in times of war.
- Military men and women taking on overseas deployments time and time again.
- Spouses dealing with the death of parents alone while their spouse is deployed.
- Spouses evacuating from a hurricane solo with three kids.
- Spouses giving birth solo.
Heroic, of course, but let me reiterate that we are human. Military spouses are human. CEOs are human.
In just a few weeks, my husband heads out to sea, and I’m having to have discussions I never dreamt of when I accepted this lifestyle. I’m in a spot now where I have to figure out how I will balance being a mother to three (8, 5, and 4 years old), running a company, assisting my son with virtual learning, and figuring out how to do life. I’m asking myself questions like these:
- If I get sick, how will I make sure my children’s basic needs are met?
- Will I self-quarantine and then if I need to be hospitalized call on a friend to take the children?
- What if one of the children gets sick?
- If my parents are sick, how will I deal with that weight solo?
- How much do I share with my kids, yet allow them to have the innocence of childhood?
When big life things have happened in the past, my village was able to show up. A great example was during my last hurricane evacuation with three small children, I had one friend mail me a box of goodness for the kids to have to play with at the hotel. I had over dozen people in my neighborhood volunteer to help put up my hurricane shutters. I had two friends ship me groceries to the hotel. I had a friend connect me with someone they knew in the local community where I evacuated to help me find things to do with the kids.
Over the years, I’ve also had my mom show up time and again to be there to assist. The same goes for my in-laws.
Now it’s important that people don’t show up. Keeping our distance saves lives.
You all…I can be broken. The weight we’re asking our military (and health care, first responder, etc.) families to take on is not okay. We are not okay. Maybe some are, I suppose, but for those of you who feel like this is the biggest “ask” you’ve ever felt as part of this lifestyle, understand others are feeling the depth, uncertainty, and hurt you’re walking in. You are not alone.
I have no answers nor a magic wand to make our lives return to where they were. The only thing that’s getting me through is having truth in every conversation with my spouse. We’re creating our own family plan so we both have peace of mind when and if yuck happens. I’ve also told my spouse the depth of weight I’m being asked to carry. (And trust me—he’s being asked to shoulder a ton on his side, too.)
My encouragement is to live in your truth and strive to find happiness each day. When people ask, “How are you?” I’m actually answering with truth in how I feel in that moment. I’m also trying to find moments of happiness each day. In the suck there is sunshine, I’m certain. Every storm brings madness, but the sun always shows up. Always. I’m praying more—fiercely praying. I’m praying over my family like I always do, but I’m focusing on me, too.
Just know that some of us are breaking a little, and it’s okay to let others know. It’s important to note that being resilient doesn’t mean you don’t break. In fact, it is more about how quickly we can bounce back and recover in those times when we do. You are not alone. And in the end, we will be stronger and, who knows, maybe even a little more resilient.
P.S. There’s no shame if you need some help. Here are some great places to start: www.militaryonesource.mil/coronavirus and www.militaryfamily.org/what-military-families-need-to-know-about-covid-19.
If you’re a trying to lead people through this madness, you might want to check these out, too: 20 Tips for Leading Your Business Through Challenging Times and Powerhouse Planning Goodness and Resources: For the Freelancer and the Business Owner